It is more often than not that I choose to isolate myself from the world in my cave.
One of my friends corrected me and suggested I should refer to it as "my nest" ('coz is such a nice place - she did not see my award winning apt. in Calgary!)
I can't relate to it... I am not nesting! I am hiding, ruminating, fretting, fuming, thinking, hurting, loving, observing, analyzing, writing, painting, designing, building, maybe even holding a multi-day pity party, for one, as a necessary time for reflection and growth as well as eating lots of ice cream.
Personally, I feel comfortable, safe, and very creative in my isolation; particularly, when I shut the off the phone and thought flows uninterrupted, unencumbered by ongoing minutia that may easily divert me from my set out tasks.
There was a time I needed to have sound around me to drown out all of life's unpleasantness. Today, I do the same with silence... witch is never quiet "silent" as the birds are chirping, the seagulls crying, the odd car driving by, or the garage door opens/shuts ... I recognize my friend's Mercedes coming home, or leaving - all of it giving enough of a sensation of belonging - of being part of the the days breath.
In the process, I get acquainted further with myself "when I am caving". For instance, I have had time to resolve some haunting issues from my childhood; I developed a huge hunger for Maria Callas' passionate singing while I am painting; I discovered I truly enjoy listening to blues for hours while working with beads which, unlike some jazz, does not get on my nerves (now, some of those musicians might need some "caving").
If I let it be, words pour onto paper in the early morning hours; situations become clear, and I understand why one person affects me more than an other...
I have come to terms with myself, with the way I am, with what I need in order to live my life; even with my "sensitivity" which has so fallen out of fashion!
It is OK to feel. Some of us just feel more than others.
Some of us feel at all times... SO, what?
I have come to view and see the world and its peoples from a different perspective, in a different light.
I see society's trends... minute changes, what is to come from some of it. How I am affected, how everyone is affected and, why...
I come to see how never, ever I am failed by my intuition, which I feel, and only understand, when I am quiet.
How I can and will follow my own mind, uninfluenced - hopefully, most of the time.
How it is that, even if and when I do not isolate myself, society, my community will have an isolating effect as I am an independent and free thinker.
How after my own experiences, and the countless refugee horror and human tragedy I heard recounted for years or what I heard in court as an Interpreter, a Translator, community leader and volunteer I don't seem to have any patience at all for nonsense... Which, appears to permeate daily life outside my walls.
How laughter does not come as easy as it once used to, but humor is rolling off my tongue "despite myself".
How each time I discover much more... and much more...
Isolation? Is not so bad after all.
