~ Paz

~ Béke

~ Pace

~ Paix

~ Paqe

~ Paçoz

~ Friden

~ Peace on Earth...

Love, Joy, Abundance, Laughter

and a spectacular 2010 !

♡ ♡ ♡

Signs of Evolution: Map, Package and Label!

There is an issue hovering in my head for a while, again... It is one of those I began writing about in my 20's, as in a biography; I began in the third person - obviously an indication of how painful the topic was to me.

It is about things that happen to us (all of us, I imagine I am not singled out - at least I hope not...) in situations one feels hurt and/or taken advantage of, manipulated, yet it is not quiet clear or transparent why...? There are a lot of "smoke and mirrors" and, false reassurances along the way that your very deep/at gut level perception could, at worst, be a simple misunderstanding... That, is how societal environment is preparing us to react.

The book was aptly titled The "UnRespectful" Ones, no matter what my friend Frank W Dabbs would say... I stuck to my choice and incorrect spelling because it really, really felt the right way to spell it. "Un" felt definitely having more weight, more "without", than the simple "Dis" which, sounded as an excuse for an interruption...

It appears like just semantics, but our language/use of words, does have a tremendous impact in how we express ourselves, even on how we think and unfortunately and, harmfully on how we "feel".

Expressing feelings and acting strictly according and, within the parameters "given" by a language, that has its own "story" behind it, is most certainly a dangerous pratice...

Buckmisnter Fuller had the right idea when he did not speak for a number of years while he evaluated the way he spoke/language.

Through the decades, as we are being reassured (quiet often lately) "we are evolving", I am finding more and more evidence that human nature has remained the same for millennium, all I have to do (in despair and answers) is go to my Oxford Companion to Philosophy to find that the the ancient Greeks had it already all figured out and we are giving it all newer and newer spins - I might add, they got it all figured out pretty well!

Just as often I ask myself, what have we learned?

Our society has became a DIY junkie... we want to continually fix everything, redo everything, reinvent everything in a never ending circular dance of madness, much as a dog chasing its tale!

The more I think about it, the more certain I am that this "evolutionary movement" is not given impetus in an altruistic affirmation of intentional global advancement, rather, I am more inclined to dig my heals in with the conclusion that it is simply impulsed by commerce and ego.

The more "new" one may come up with, the more money, hungry/trained consumers will throw at it ... while in reality, the "clever ones" are presenting us the same old wheel with a new set of smoke and mirrors.

At its worst, they are telling us what we already know or, what our family/ancestors/friends must have passed down to us. I think we have somehow - in this contemporary evolutionary process - have forgotten to feel and act "accordingly" while substituting for "appropriately" or, in a "controlled" fashion... (controlled by whom?)

This also applies to what I now view as the shameless spiritual industry and the newly packaged psychology and psychiatry fields, piggy-backing to the evangelical and older snake oil sales practices.

As to psychology and psychiatry, nothing wrong with either one - IF - they would solely be concerned with healing... but, I think that even the practitioners were sold/have bought into, this never ending nightmare, which separates life into neat categories and labels... as in a CSI investigation where a Profiler (an "Expert") steps in to "map, package and label - while sealing a person's fate".

There is nothing worst than being bestowed the label of "knowledgeable or expert" in a mass production line... because we do it all in "big, industrial quantities" - quality appears to be an accidental by-product...

I did go off somewhat on a tangent, but I will continue and return to my original "focus" as soon as I finish with this... my apologies. However, I hope it will serve as an introduction to the topic.

What I see happening is that the more "empowerment" we seek to find in the words of others, the more dis-empowered we become.

Any time we give, we allow the words of others, to label our feelings, thoughts, deeds - we give ourselves up.

We are living in times of general "unbalance", of extreme high anxiety; mental illness is the leading disability cause world-wide... 10% of the population is affected, 8% hospitalized. Those are the brave ones admitting to "being weak, damaged or right out wacko" - according to the newest evolutionary trends. The rest, just go along pretending there is absolutely nothing wrong with them as they flip-flop along inflicting havoc in the lives of others - without any control!

Through a life fully lived, very few may have the luxury to say they were never so deeply affected by events, their mental health ever suffered...

We have not learned yet the basic needs of all human beings: stability, respect, dignity and, love. Most of those cannot be bought with money nor acquired through the words of a book. But rather can be taught, learned through example. Shelter and financial stability have also a role, supporting the above and continue building/nurturing a society in safety...

Health in general and, mental health in particular, are to be balanced when all the above ducks are in a row!

It is quiet simple, yet we manage to complicate it - so we can then, present others (in the confusion created and the addition of smoke and mirrors) with the solution.

© 2009

Labels... "Life Lessons" - Continues bellow

* As I was writing, it came to mind the article of a Panamanian friend whose recent article on an old village tradition of the Devil's Dance dealt, at a very basic/primal and healthy level with the fear and reality of "dark" forces through enactment... The entire village used to participate ... a number of young people are attempting to resurrect this ancient tradition. A lot to be said about some olden rituals!

Another thought, urgent somehow, was not to forget recommending the book "Women that run with the Wolves" Dr. Clarissa Pinkola-Estes, in which she addresses a number of "fairy tales" from around the world holding a common thread, and speaks of how these stories passed down from generation to generation informed and educated about all of lives matters. It occurred to me it was a simpler, perhaps more entertaining "equivalent" of the Oxford Companion... ☻

We must still read... of course! Ideas enrich us, but we must have different bins to sort them into :)

Books are no all good, just as all words are not good... they just "are", and will have to serve us good and/or bad, until we relearn, at a cellular level, to sincerely care and talk to one another...

Labels... "LIFE LESSON"

It was with this feeling of loss and bewilderment that I began writing the preceding post, this feeling that the labels adjudicated to certain events, passages and our emotions/reactions to it are erroneously "labeled".

I feel that perhaps these meticulous labels given to them in the English language-culture are not necessarily healthy as adopted and widely practiced - without questioning.

More to the point, to illustrate what is lurking inside me is the latest fire on Terrace Mountain in the Okanagan... a young father being interviewed, smiling as he clutched his daughter, expressed his feelings of gratefulness for being alive - the rest, what is inside the house, could be replaced...

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that "wholly" statement. Except it is a "wholly" statement. I will not speak for this man. He is only an example of what I now continuously see/hear all around me and in the media...

I will speak for common "human" sense.

While it is true they are safe and alive and he chooses to be happy and/or grateful or, any other positive emotion is to be expected.

What is abnormal in the entire situation, is how common it has become to have an "addendum" as a protection form judgement (?) "the rest can be replaced"

Are we to believe - an then, copy this lack of emotional expression, in this case for the possible loss, in the case of others, for the factual loss... that it does not matter, implying, no "living one will be affected". (NOT affected?)

Well, for one, I find it hard to even begin to address the fear I imagine one could feel at loosing ones "life material summary" in a sweeping fire, I also find it difficult to comprehend how little value individuals place upon their past efforts - for me... it would take a blooming long time to recover and get myself back on track, never mind having the finances to replace the losses I have. And this, would only apply to my books and various mediums are materials, and finished pieces. What about the countless hours, creative juices, effort placed into them? NO value... replaceable... (Well, to think of it, everything IS replaceable in our evolving society...)

I cannot believe that I am the only one with this sort of questions. We all have lives, interests, a past history with its mementos - with our unique gathering system which confirms and affirms daily the purpose and/or validity of our existence - in this plane (in this plane folks, this plane we are now/currently in - too much spiritual talk/chatter/blabber!)

While it is true material things may be replaced and, I am not really one excessively materialist - more of "logical persuasion", I would bloody well be mourning the loss of it all. And, I can even foresee a serious pity party coming on as a result.

So, would I be overreacting? NO. I would be reacting appropriately to the circumstances and not playing up to the viewing indiscriminately judgemental, flawed audience... or, what is worst, my family, friends and neighbours!

Which brings me to the other father (do they talk because men because men "don't" cry?) whose daughter disappearance anniversary was coming up and this poor man, responded to this sad, (not yet concluded situation) during the entire interview with a smile on his face (!) also, with an addendum - of having bravely marched on " in memory" of his daughter - because she would have wanted it that way!

BEEP - this, is a recording...

My goodness - in Spain (and other Castillian Speaking countries as well) there was, maybe still is in some parts, the custom of hiring "lloronas" criers, for funerals... as to add voice, drama and proportion to the pain and loss suffered...

Every village/town had its ladies in black that would come and mournfully cry or wail - as required to display the deep sorrow being felt.

I can see how that would be a far more cathartic passage than this deeply buried, unacknowledged pain, loss, bewilderment, agony, rebellion, aggression, despair, helplessness,what have you (?!) behind these "synthetic, wholly" facades...

Labels... My (?) Life Lesson? Coming up soon...

* Hmmm. Just realized as I was wrapping up, "wholly" has also a very practical side - if, all buy into it - it is a comfy, safe net, where the payback for your soul (your being, your thought) IS material security and, ever lasting "wholly friendship"

I suppose I needed to write this to understand some of the rules of engagement - no wonder I kept on missing the point.

Well, I am sure world will keep on turning regardless of what I think!

Then, again, always knew this... must have seen it behind other smoke and mirrors - my mistake!

I WILL CONFESS

that "human nature" often startles, throws me off balance, shames and ultimately deeply saddens me.

There are times that I feel I must be seedling from another planet - so "disconnected" from the people whose energy I am so "connect" with - the energy that connects us all - that energetic connection that makes our experience one.

While I am pleasantly surprised, in awe, moved even, by the odd individual that enters my "life space" as a gentle whisper of exquisite, natural, oozing kindness and gracious mannerisms genuinely soothing my slowly germinating sharp spines, which, have began erupting all over my soft and sensitive thin skin...

Why? I ask - most are like Rambos in an ever denser jungle full of pitfalls, booby traps, rattling bones, smoke and mirrors - surprises at every, ever increasing rapid breath... those, whom trespass and with transgressions erode trust gifted to them; those, that fail to see and acknowledge, those whom dismiss having to take responsibility for their actions... those, whom hide behind circular words, weaving never-ending sticky, entrapping webs... those, whose lies flow like an open faucet on a thirsty day... you know, those!

Why are those not responding when spoken to... particularly, to the written word?

Those, the ones that only find you when they need something from you... ?

Those, the world is full of those!!!

Hm... and then, there are the ones with the "holy-lovie-dovie" hollow word mantras, prayers and affirmations whose self-centeredness is only surpassed by sociopaths. A dangerous bunch, indeed - they come in full disguise, bringing good news, bringing "light and hope" to miserable lives... to the "indigent of mind and soul", preaching of goodness and charity, donations, "giving back" and, fellowman - community, of ancient fallacious myths... as they fail to fleetingly glance at the one sitting next them...

As they overlook/ignore the alone one. As they smile while their actions fail to support the neurosis of the facial mask... As they mimic wisdom, clear sight... insight!

Yes, they, are "those". One and the same. No conscience. What for? Why? They lost it in their loving reality-delusion.

Fortunately, just when I am about to be completely ravaged by the savagery of these seemingly innocent daily interactions, someone, somehow, says or does something - as in an attempt to vanish and banish it all - in gestures that appears increasingly protective...

As if with thick, soft cloaks of universal, enveloping collective distilled to essence loving/light energy - sweeping me, into another-parallel reality...

PS.:

Lately, I often feel "dark" forces battling for supremacy and, concluded that I must share my experience and observations, the feel of these energies gently stroking or sharply burning my skin.

I realized while I was painting "Intermezzo Giocoso" that all other previous "squiggle" watercolor paintings - which were also just as spontaneous, but not deliberate - were a "translation" of the energies I felt at the time of execution... all I knew/understood then was they were "life metaphors".

FEELING THE FEELINGS AND...?

I feel it is time that I openly share what I had shared in the past in the intimacy of my home or the phone with very few and selected friends.

We are all so damned proper or, at least that's we are expected to be. Then, some of us do follow the "rules of engagement" of a civil society, some pretend to follow the rules, then there is great the majority (in my opinion) that go through life like "barbarians in a jungle". (Possibly giving barbarian a bad name, and certainly "wrong" location (?)).

Since I have publicly/officially become "an artist" three years ago, my exposure to contemporary society, and an on-slot of "peers" has taken me to an even more convoluted region of societal behavior that I have either witnessed or experienced before. And, I have witnessed and experienced a lot before!

I don't know how I can make this post short or even interesting, all I know is that this is all about expressing, owing, showing, allowing feelings. A very complex and never ending naturally emotionally charged subject. No apologies. I will not do that any more.

I am truly sick and tired of apologizing for my "sensitivity". It is who I am. It is such a huge part of my persona/identity that I would literally not exist if I would not be gifted with the acute sensitivities that I posses. Did not go looking for them...

I was born with them, because this goes back as far as I have memory of having a very strong and definite sense on integrity, fairness and justice; which did not make my live easy in boarding school. Actually it made it living hell as I could not/would not allow "the system" to manipulate and subjugate us... Huge, for a 7-8 year old child isn't it?

This (overwhelming and isolating) sense grew with me, first without an accompanying language, just pure gut feeling/natural impulse/defense mechanism. As it became expression it was held back/down; as it became language it was hushed/silenced/quashed.

It was not proper to speak up or react to events affecting me.

I was always given a placating placebo... you are smarter than them, you are older than them, you are more understanding/sophisticated/educated than them... there was always a reason why "I should rise above" the situation at hand at the expense of my feelings, regardless of the improprieties of the perpetrators.

How many of grew up under the same false, neglecting and misleading pretenses?

This is part of the background mess we live in these days. We live in a society, so called civil, where half are barbarians and the rest are victimized by barbarians - how else can we find ourselves in the mess we are currently in?

How did we get here?

(This theme will have several parts/installments - as i feel emotionally drained while writing about it.)

Isolation: Isolate, Isolated.

It is more often than not that I choose to isolate myself from the world in my cave.

One of my friends corrected me and suggested I should refer to it as "my nest" ('coz is such a nice place - she did not see my award winning apt. in Calgary!)

I can't relate to it... I am not nesting! I am hiding, ruminating, fretting, fuming, thinking, hurting, loving, observing, analyzing, writing, painting, designing, building, maybe even holding a multi-day pity party, for one, as a necessary time for reflection and growth as well as eating lots of ice cream. 

Personally, I feel comfortable, safe, and  very creative in my isolation; particularly, when I shut the off the phone and thought flows uninterrupted, unencumbered by ongoing minutia that may easily divert me from my set out tasks.

There was  a time I needed to have sound around me to drown out all of life's  unpleasantness. Today, I do the same with silence... witch is never quiet "silent" as the birds are chirping, the seagulls crying, the odd car driving by, or the garage door opens/shuts ... I recognize my friend's Mercedes coming home, or leaving - all of it giving enough of a sensation of belonging - of being part of the the days breath.

In the process, I get acquainted further with myself "when I am caving". For instance, I have had time to resolve some haunting issues from my childhood; I developed a huge hunger for Maria Callas' passionate singing while I am painting; I discovered I truly enjoy listening to blues for hours while working with beads which, unlike some jazz, does not get on my nerves (now, some of those musicians might need some "caving").

If I let it be, words pour onto paper in the early morning hours; situations become clear, and I understand why one person affects me more than an other...

I have come to terms with myself, with the way I am, with what I need in order to live my life; even with my "sensitivity" which has so fallen out of fashion!

It is OK to feel. Some of us just feel more than others.

Some of us feel at all times... SO, what?

I have come to view and see the world and its peoples from a different perspective, in a different light.

I see society's trends... minute changes, what is to come from some of it. How I am affected, how everyone is affected and, why...

I come to see how never, ever I am failed by my intuition, which I feel, and only understand, when I am quiet.

How I can and will follow my own mind, uninfluenced - hopefully, most of the time.

How it is that,  even if and when I do not isolate myself, society, my community will have an isolating effect as I am an independent and free thinker.

How after my own experiences, and the countless refugee horror and human tragedy I heard recounted for years or what I heard in court as an Interpreter, a Translator, community leader and volunteer I don't seem to have any patience at all for nonsense... Which, appears to permeate daily life outside my walls.

How laughter does not come as easy as it once used to, but humor is rolling off my tongue "despite myself".

How each time I discover much more... and much more...

Isolation? Is not so bad after all.

For you

(click)

♡

Talk and Workshop Schedule

Talks and Workshops Schedule for 2009

will be announced and posted shortly

THE TERRA STUDIOS
is the new and permanent
name and home
for ALMAPATH DIRECTIONS
and all other
Creative Endeavours...
The website is on its way,
Slowly, slowly...awhhh
www.TheTerraStudios.com

=

GIVING AWAY OUR POWER

(We can't give away the power we don't know we have!)

=

=

It was the second time of me reading this poster at a friend's place - prompting me to stop giving away my power.

=

It then registered to me, that this is another one of those "get better soon you inept one" - formula phrase, that could well join the ranks of the eternal "pull yourself up from your bootstraps" little jewel.

- You fool - you are gratuitously giving away your power!

=

In the time the double take took, a great neon sign flashed saying: What? Power?

What power?

A lot of us grew up without having an inkling that there was such thing a "personal power", that we actually had "rights" and "boundaries" which build a sense of self, that manifested as a healthy self-esteem which, became the power vehicle to move us around in life ...

=

No, there was no inkling, no verbalization of such life "secrets". All we heard in the 70's was "there is a jungle out there" reflecting the common fear of the unexpected adult life that required "power" to succeed.

=

It is rather difficult, if not impossible to "acquire and hold on to power" when one did not have the opportunity to "built into ones character" since childhood.

However, it is not impossible either to reach such desirable levels of self-esteem, where personal power is a natural progression of a state of being...

=

The formula for that, takes more than positive thinking/feeling, praying or, the individuals decision to "do better next time". It takes consistent love and nurturing in ones life - a supportive environment/relationship...

One person, one relationship can do it - although, I like that lovely concept "it takes a village..." also to apply to us, adults - or the abandoned child within us... ?

=

So, let's stop beating ourselves up for not being the perfect "power house we are all meant to be", and let's focus instead on pursuing and finding balance in the love we have to offer now lack and, gift another with the same empowerment we so much desire, and see what happens.

=

- originally posted in May 07

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Notes on what

Purpose, Love, Happiness and Abundance

mean to me

+

Purpose

=
Purpose is to wake up with a feeling of meaning, a feeling of contribution, building, beautifying, elevating… a feeling of joy in the knowledge that what I do in important – has meaning.

Purpose is a deliberate “feeling of determination” of something to be done well for myself but, also as importantly for others – as in “service” – to a higher common well being, evolution.

Purpose is to love someone (and/or many) with loyalty, compassion, understanding – in truth.

Purpose is to grow in love with, in communion with, spiritually, emotionally and physically with a beloved and loving partner .

Purpose is sharing the depth of my thoughts and feelings in my writing.

Purpose is to express myself creatively in my paintings knowing they will elicit a smile, a second playful look, perhaps soon with new works, even some deep thinking… change.

Purpose is to place each bead in my individually designed jewelry pieces to bring joy, hope or just a fleeting moment of distraction from a weary heart.

Purpose is being spontaneously mindful of all that surrounds me.

Purpose is to have love in my heart and freeing it for the Universe to engage…

=

=

Love

=

Love is a feeling of belonging safely, in warmth and trust, loyalty and honesty to a group (family or friends) or, most importantly now, to a special partner.

Love is being filled with compassion for one another.

Love is acceptance of how others are – and one IS – warts and all.

Love is a “place” of solace and rest – of nurture.

Love begins and ends with respect for one another.

Love is kind, embracing, playful and profound at the same time.

Love feeds my strength, my confidence, my determination, my purpose.

Love brings a smile to my heart – as a lovely melody.

Love teaches me without shaming me.

Love is a dance of give and take.

Love is to grow in love with, in communion with, spiritually,

emotionally and physically with a beloved and loving partner .

=

=

Happiness

= Happiness is feeling healthy.

Happiness is having "all my ducks in a row".

Happiness is a feeling of peace in the knowledge that I am loved and I am not alone.

Happiness is when I am free to give and receive also abundantly.

Happiness is hearing the waves of the ocean, seeing the water swell… and crash.

Happiness is looking into the face of a loved one and seeing a smile.

Happiness is looking into the eyes of others/strangers and know that I have somehow made a difference, maybe even changed their day.

Happiness is hearing a song singed with passion.

Happiness is having my “dream” partner by my side. :)

Happiness is having love, purpose and abundance interwoven in it.

Happiness is – just a moment of laughter, the sound of a piano or a violin played with emotion and grace, an airplane flying, a boat sailing, a piece or place of beauty…

Happiness is to do as I please, to choose as I please.

Happiness is feeling loved by those I love.
=

=
Abundance

Abundance is having loving, gracious friends.

Abundance is having the ability to share generously from my own “plenty”.

Abundance is Italian shoes and handbags ….

Abundance is travel and charity.

Abundance is travel and conservation/ecology.

Abundance is the enjoyment in the partaking of the Arts.

Abundance is having friends around the table to share in warm friendship, intelligent conversation, plenty of good food, good wine and time.

Abundance is to have “in the bar” at least one bottle of Scotch, Frangelico, Khalua, Bailey’s, Sligovica, Palinka, Rum, Cognac, Port, Campary, Advocaat, Vodka, Vermouth, Merlot, Cabernet Sauvignon, Pinot Gris, Ice wine, Champagne…. etc., etc.. (Being only an occasional social drinker! He-he... lol)

Abundance is having a sound car and driving it without preoccupations of any kind.

Abundance is having a spacious home to fully live in – where all activities can be carried out in comfort – and having the means to take care of its upkeep.

Abundance is having a spirit open to give and take generously – both ways/in - out…

Abundance is having a flexible, forgiving nature/character, goal.

Abundance is having support and sincere help from others to succeed.

=

© 2007
==

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Author Caroline Myss suggests in her CD "Power to Create, from Wishful Thinking to True Manifestation", that most of the time we ask for meaningless "generalities" without really having an understanding of what we want. We are too vague!
In order to obtain what we want - one of the important things - we must do, is name them.
Merely wishing for "purpose", "happiness", "love" or "abundance" does not signify anything, as they have a very broad meaning.
Defining - naming - them as we understand them for ourselves, is what brings us closer to their attainment.
=
- originally posted in in May 07

=

~ DEFINING MYSELF ~

=

=

I realized about four years ago that the “distinct identity” I thought I had, had actually very little to do with me and a lot to do with my life circumstances, my family, those close to me and, all the other outside collective expectations and perceptions I was subconsciously working hard to satisfy.

As life would have it (for the first time) I found myself truly alone, when it dawned on me as I was getting dressed one morning, that I didn’t know if what I was about to wear was something I really liked or, the product of years of conditioning. I was stunned because as I looked in the mirror, I really could not tell for certain.

I began questioning a number of things in the days and months to come (as a matter of fact I still do), from the length, colour and style of my skirts, to my taste in foods, my true political ideology, who taught me what, etc., etc., etc..

It became quiet clear that I “picked up” habits from others just by being around them. I further realized how bad or erroneous those habits were for me!

I continued to further observe not only my behaviour and thinking patterns, but also my feeling patterns and came to see that they were the same-in-principle as those of my birth family. I would get indications/memories to corroborate “trans-generational” patterns…No one bothered to either question or change. I did.

The most dramatic assertions/changes have been in the spiritual, moral, political and philosophical areas of my life. In addition, I soon found myself doing such mundane things as peeling five pounds of shrimp (another first of many), after a “recognizance” trip to Steveston.

Finally tried the much heralded sushi, which now has also been added to my ever expanding menu of international cuisine.

And thus, “my identity” keeps on shifting, expanding and being enriched by the many diverse elements I newly embrace as my own…

Slowly, I also noticed that the invisible sandwich board I was carrying around with me everywhere advertizing: here comes Bi-polar II, seemed to have become a stone in my pocket.

I can manage the stone.

During these past few years I re-invented myself, as the saying goes. My old or former identity (a sharp memory of yesterday) no longer exists. However the true essence of whom I have been has come forth to meet up with my spirit today to project itself (or herself?) in a new light.

This identity is as mine as it can be. It is as strong as it can be, despite the general “outside” noise/over-stimulation, the bombardment of advertizing, familial/social expectations and possible peer pressures.

To quote Montel Williams on a recent Larry King show: “I want to be the one who defines myself…” (in the context of taking control of his life). I’m glad I have decided to do the same with mine!

© 2004

The above has been published in a regional mental health newsletter in 2004... it seems like a lifetime away.

Today, I manage my life in a different manner, despite the continuous ups and down that life offers, I write, paint, design jewellery, check on whose by my side or not, forever "editing" that which no longer works - as soon as I figure it out - and I absolutely know that I am a truly nice individual albeit, a passionate eccentric one and love every minute of it!

=

MENTAL HEALTH RESOURCES

- in the Lower Mainland -

Emergency 911

Crisis Lines for:

Surrey 604-951-8855

Vancouver 604-872-3311

Richmond 604-279-7070

Coquitlam 604-540-2221

B.C. Nurse - 24hr. Line 1-866-215-4700

U.B.C. Counselling Services 604-822-3811

Family Services 604-874-2938

Catholic Family Services 604-443-3220

Jewish Family Service Agency 604-257-5151

* Any of your local Health Units may have a Crisis or After-Hours Mental Health Worker.

* Anywhere else: phone your local telephone operator for the nearest available help line.

Relaxing Naturally

There is nothing like immersing oneself in something one just loves to do and fall into a state of relaxation without much trying... Just float into it and with it...

I go for a walk and my camera goes always along with me. In no time, some thing or another catches my eye, and I am taken into that space, and that moment carries me on... It carries me to walk the shore and shoot glimpses of the beach and later digitally alter some of those images, like the ones posted in this site.

Or, as I follow the call of my heart more and more often, I paint and my days are flying by within the depths of my creativity, where I find myself in much comfort...

What is that causes you to drift into a calmer space? Reading, perhaps? Knitting? A puzzle? If you can identify what is that draws you out of that lingering lethargy - explore! Explore gently and at your pace what can get your attention with pleasure. The most important thing is to "get yourself in motion". Or, do you already have a hobby you may like to revisit one of these days? Do not postpone! Grant yourself the wish to fulfill a dream - today.

"Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing."
- Abraham Lincoln -


PUTTING AND END TO DIS - GRACE
Sharing my response to yesterday's "local" paper article.

Rob DeMone, Editor
The Peace Arch News
White Rock, BC

August 13, 2006

Re.: Victim’s victory

Dear Editor:
My own experiences were relived as I felt nauseous reading yet another account.
I could possibly match and perhaps surpass the length of your well written report on Joanne Morrison and the other many Chatham’s women’s case with my own; not only recounting my experience but, the witnessing of the boarding school’s old priest also do with the other young little girls, during daylight, on the veranda, as the nuns were walking by, not farther than 15 - 20 feet away…

Just like in Joanne’s case, we all took turns sitting on his lap – except for me, it was an honor – on the lap of “the representative of God on Earth” - and, to top it all off, just prior to our First Communion, such spiritually charged time!
Abuse, sexual and other, did not happen in residential schools only, my parents “actually paid for it” (unbeknownst to them). How ironic is that?

These are stories of sexual and/or physical and emotional abuse, abandonment, control, pedophilia, hypocrisy, lack of ethics and morals and an unrepentant, arrogant church. A system sick to the core, as those that remain inactive within it, are just as guilty for holding their silence - for taking part in the “greatest cover-up”.

However, my story did not take place in North but, South America instead. The Vatican has shamelessly claimed that this is almost an exclusive North American phenomenon… Well, it isn’t!
I am sure this type of conduct is rampant around the world. At this very moment, as I am writing to you, there are a number of priests and other church “associates” around the world, still sexually molesting and abusing/controlling children/human beings and being overlooked, hidden and protected by their respective dioceses and the Vatican.

I hope the priest from my former school is dead and buried and with him, his shames.
I have no known way of taking action on my own case from here – I greatly admire the “endurance”, thank and support the steps taken by Joanne Morrison and the other women. I also wish more man would come forward to further unmask the perpetrators hiding behind the cloth.

Without a doubt, those early experiences in boarding school shaped and influenced my entire life and keep on affecting it’s course, as what I am doing today www.AlmaPathAdventures.blogspot.com is a direct result of the journey that (abruptly – with innocence lost) started a number of decades ago.

Sincerely,
Alicia M. Ballard

PS.: I wish we could find a word other then survivor to substitute for “victim” … which in itself is as spell casting/binding as the perpetrated acts.
High time to revise our concepts, our vocabulary.

Link to newspaper article:
http://web.bcnewsgroup.com/portals-code/list.cgi?cat=23&paper=44&id=706859

Every day is a blank and pretty page;

Life is always full of possibilities,
of new pages, even "new books" ...

As we continuo on our life journey/cycles, sometimes willing, others unwilling - we must re-invent ourselves. Each time becoming more intimate with our souls,more determined to prevail whole.

"We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations." - Anais Nin -

The "Litmus Test" (Life's little "reality check")

1. What are the thoughts, beliefs, attitudes that you hold about yourself?
2. Is that true fact? Is what you are thinking, feeling verifiably true?
3. Does holding on to the thought, attitude, choice, serve the best of your interest?
4. Does it make you happy, calm, peaceful and fulfilled? Are your thoughts, attitudes advancing and protecting your health?
5. Do your thoughts, attitudes about yourself push you into Situations that put your well-being at risk?
6. Does your choice, attitude or belief get you more of what you want, need and deserve?
7. Or, is it keeping you in circumstances you don’t want?

My "pocket" version:
1. What am I choosing to think/do?
2. Is it true/factual?
3. Is it (a good choice) for me?
4. Am I totally comfortable with it?
5. Is this choice healthy in all ways for me?
6. Am I safe in every way?
7. Does this (choice) give me what I really want/need?



From Dr. Phil McGraw’s site - www.drphilcom

DEATH By BROKEN HEART

A TV News Magazine segment reported this past Friday night on the ABC network, that scientist in the US have been able to “prove” a heart condition similar to that of a heart attack which if incorrectly diagnosed will cause death – literally from a broken heart. From whatever might have “broken” a specific heart… In their words, usually a highly traumatic or sudden stressful event…

On the other hand, Europeans have come to that conclusion during WW2., as my 1984 research found (I was setting up a resource library on refugees and displacement victim matters). It was not uncommon for a soldier to die “of a broken heart” at the front lines, without any apparent physical condition/reason. This occurrence/death was referred to as “Mal du Pais” and was believed to be caused by a profound sadness brought on by being away from homeland, family and friends…(it just shows our exquisitely and intense “humanity”, our capability to feel with each and every one of our cells.)
Perhaps, it had more todo with fear, thousands dead and the smell of it all enveloping them...

This is something that many common folk and some of us non-medical types have heard of or even known with certainty for generations and generations, possibly since near the dawn of civilization (?) For instance many women, poets, writers, artists have known for sure, they all spoke and wrote accounts at great length, in painstaking, minute detail and profound intensity.

I don’t know about you, but I have felt the pain of my heart as it literally “severed into large chunks” and remain fragmented, mal functioning and exiled in suspension for rather prolonged periods of time with some profound effects on the rest of my being. It has composed itself slowly, at the pace of a snail, but it carries an unintended aloof hesitancy that vigilantly precedes and permeates my actions. Yet, somehow it also has the ability, on occasion, to surrender to the call of some ancient instinctive wisdom… and, as if void of all memory, knows of no reason at all.

©2006

During those times when I don’t quiet even know the questions, I often find myself searching among shelves at home, in book stores or libraries looking for "that" book that "talks" to me… I have picked up books by sheer impulse (based on appearance or tittle) to later find out just how significant a message they had for me. The following list shows some of the top books and audio material most dear to me in the areas we dealing with here.
These may not end up being of your interest, but at the least I would like (hope) to tweak your curiosity enough to send you on regular discovery journeys. Actually, they turn out to be more like "scavenger hunts". I have even felt possessed, but can’t tell by what!

We may react to different authors and different types of expression but, one thing I feel is true to all, that we gain different perspectives and knowledge along the way. Those new words, concepts may become part of our beliefs and behaviour, hopefully enriching our lives and that of others…
(Many books are now available - from our local libraries - in audio via Internet. One must register and have a "Media Player" (which may downloaded free) and enjoy!)

Baha, Abdu’l - "Love"
Bradshaw, John - "Homecoming"
Cameron, Julia - "The Artist's Way"
Chopra, Deepak - "The Seven Laws of Spiritual Success" "The Path to Love"
Coelho, Paulo - "The Alchemist"
Duke, Patty - "A Brilliant Madness"
Forward, Susan - "Toxic Parents"
Girzone, Joseph F. - "Never Alone"
Green, Brian - "The Elegant Universe"
Kavelin Popov, Linda - "The pace of Grace"
Kellogg, Terry - "Broken Toys, Broken Dreams"
Kielburger, Craig and Mark - "Me to We – Turning self-help on its Head"
McGraw, Phil - "Life Strategies", " Life Matters" , "Relationship Rescue"
Myss, Caroline - "The Anatomy of the Spirit", "Why People Don’t Heal and How They Can", "Sacred Contracts" . And, any number of CD’s or audio tapes such as: " Self – Esteem - Your Ultimate Power" , " Spiritual Madness" etc.
Northrup, Chistiane - "Women’s Body Women’s Wisdom"
Peck, Scott - "The Road Less travelled", "People of the Lie"
Pinkola Estes, Clarissa - "Women that Run with the Wolves"
Redfield Jamieson, Kay - "An Unquiet Mind"
Roth, Ron - "The Dark NIght of the Soul"
Ruiz, don Miguel - "The Four Agreements"
Saint-Exupery. Antoine de - "The Little Prince"
Solomon, Gary - "Reel Therapy", "The Movie Prescription" (Although, I don’t entire agree with his "suggestions" or "relation to topic")
Williamson, Marianne - "A Return to Love" and, any audio tapes… "Enchanted Love" , "Mystical Power"
Zukav, Gary - "The Seat of the Soul"

* Anything by Judith Orloff and Suze Ormann is definitely worth a good look!
And of course, the Joseph Campbell interviews with Bill Moyers are a must to watch again from time to time...

Some "other" cool, cool audio: The Quest Love Trilogy (series): Vol.1 " Love, Passion and Soul", Vol.2 "Soul Mates", Vol.3 "Ecstasy" interviews with: Barbara de Angelis, John Grey, Harville Hendrix, Erica Jong, Thomas Moore, Marianne Williamson, Deepak Chopra, John O’Donohue and Caroline Myss – Simply l-o-v-e-l-y! Another "Series" with some of the above plus: Sarah Ban Breathnach, Stephan Rechtchaffen, Bernie Siegal and David White (Vol.1 "Discover your human Potential", Vol.2 "Spiritual Path to Success" and Vol.3 "Energy, Power and Spirit")

THE ANATOMY OF DEPRESSION
During periods or episodes of depression, some of us may be prone to be aware of the physical effects emotional and itellectual pain, loss, sorrow, pent up anger/rage, memories of abandonment and/or abuse of any other kind, that speak up symbolically through our bodies.

Thus, we experience the advent of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibro-Mialgia, possibly Lupus and who knows how many other psychosomatic illnesses “flare up” to get our attention. Yet, for the most part not much importance is given to them, or no connection/correlation is made with either the psychological and/or psychiatric aspects of this passage.

While I strongly believe that for many, these so called “depressive episodes” are “rites of passage’, I also believe that there is a brain chemical imbalance component as well. I am not sure if this is another good example of chicken or the egg dilemma…
All I know is that an imbalance occurs, in my observation, as a result of prolonged stress or anguish or even the re-occurrence of similar life experiences.

I have observed in my case, that these passages come about after what I see as a series of similar unrelated incidents or situations in a rather systematic fashion.Although I realized this in the early 90’s, when these external occurrences return to my life experience, they have quiet a debilitating emotional effect – if they continue, a depression will slowly manifest and if the situations are not resolved, the troubled mind and soul will inevitably be joined (in sympathy? Support? Empathy? Natural consequence of prolonged stress?) by the body…

Such is how I find myself these days, with some alternating (?) phusical symptoms. The on slot of these is so great that I forget half if not all, when I get to see my good doc. (truly fortunate!).I woke up today with thoughts of keeping “an anatomy journal…” Decided against it.
Don’t want to focus on it too much, because it preoccupies me enough as it is.

Let’s see. I am absolutely positive my blood pressure has at this times huge and unpredictable fluctuation. How else can I feel faint for hours no end and so whacked that I cannot finish my errands, having to come home and lay down… of being “exhausted” all the time.(Let’s not even mention how time flies without nothing accomplished!!! Even that enters a "warp zone")
The relentless, always present/lingering pain – I am so used to it that I am no longer conscious of it. Another factor slowing me down. Or, is it ignoring it - will go away - that herniated vertebrae that surgery was spoken of about 6 years ago or so …?
Ahhh, and the fact that I cannot even rest my on head on my hands, not for more than a moment, without resulting in excruciating pain shooting to other parts of my body. Uhhh, the hot flashes (only during stressed times - most of the time!?) I wake up to, and put up with during the day, that are followed by periods of goose-bumps and chills…

Sadly, most of these very real psychiatric-psychological-physical manifestation could be much alleviated by our environment. By the kindness, compassion and respect, if not love of those we interact with on a daily basis.I know you may think of it as a very simplistic conclusion. But I came to strongly believe that the reason for most of our unmanageable malaise, is due to a very bruised or broken heart.Yes, all that chemistry that “morphs” experiences, thoughts and feelings into “cellular impressions” and those “pained cellular impressions” that were passed on to us at birth, together with all the subsequent wrongs, ills and other damaging thoughtless, selfish acts inflicted upon us, did brake our hearts if we haven’t had – and may still not have - sufficient support/guidance, and love in our lives.

A broken heart can only be mended by love!
Committed, unconditional love - as well as the respect and compassion of those that come into contact with each one of us! (This, being a mutual experience...)

The rest of the stuff - in my "humble" opinion …are just placebos.
©2006

Some topic related links...
January 17, 2006
Prayer is a Change of Mind
Dear Friends, Here's a little prayer to help you rise above the limited, fear-based thought forms that otherwise might keep you bound. Remember: when you change your mind, you change your life. And prayer is a change of mind.
Dear God, Please post your Angels around my mind, to keep at bay all dark and fearful thoughts. I give to you my thoughts about everything. Please lift them up to heavenly Truth, that I might be set free. Amen
From: www.marianne.com

5/11/2006 - Explore whether you have deep seated reasons to want to postpone your healing. From: www.myss.com

Daily Quote - May 11, 2006
“Prenatal and birth memories, and their potential impact on the unborn, are one of the many reasons why women must learn to manage their fertility well and learn how to conceive consciously". From : www.drnorthrup.com

Sign up (?) and listen to a variety of well known authors ... www.hayhouseradio.com

SELF-HELP FIRST AID KIT
for our loved ones
Or anyone else we care or feel compassion for...


The most important thing required to gather these items is love.

As we cannot live another’s experience, the least we can do is facilitate “the process”, “the rite of passage” with support, understanding and lots of patience (for the possible long haul) and a box of “goodies” that inspires and nurtures at the same time, in a non-intrusive manner.

I recently gathered such items for a special loved one and constantly kept in mind what would he possibly feel, need, like, use…

When I was in the darkest of dark places, I was alone in a strange city, with no resources to speak of – only the ones available for mass consumption - I would have loved someone to admit to the experience and extend a hand in sharing what they have learned, what tools and or strategies have been useful, even those that weren’t… What to read, listen to, get ideas, solutions, inspiration from. Something!

Since we are all different, it was quiet interesting to search for items that might be suitable for another. However, almost all fell into my lap within a period of three weeks – and, it all started with the idea of one little great book!

My “perfect” Self-Help First Aid Kit … (for you to use as a guide)

A notebook
Pens or/and pencils
An inspirational tape
A Spiritual Healing tape
A Psychiatric Self-Help informative guide tape
A relaxing music CD
A t-shirt with symbolic transformation designs
Chakra energy stones
Some sweets…
A little toy
A Self-Help workbook: The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
An Angel plaque
Love and Prosperity “angel blessings coins”
Owning Your Shadow by Robert A, Johnson book
A light-hearted daily meditations book
A self-Empowerment book
A playful bookmark
(Being available – when and/if needed or wanted)
Last but not least, a carefully chosen card with thoughtful words…

Wrap each item in tissue with little notes as to what is what…and deliver with unconditional love. Remember, there is a reason and a time for everything.

P.S.: Feel free to be creative as you go on your scavenger hunt to gather the items – it may take a bit of time until you find the right ones for your “perfect” Self-Help First Aid Kit.

FOLLOWING ONES HEART – Part One

(Very much on the vein of “one teaches what one needs to learn” comment from Caroline Myss – author of Anatomy of the Spirit, and Sacred Contracts and Archetypes, etc.)

Gary Zukav – author of “The Seat of the Soul – said that life will be presenting us with the same lessons over and over again until we learn them – either you get it or you don’t…

Ohhhh, the process. The blooming process. I just realized that this too is subject to “the process”. Everything is subject to the process: Information received, Information understood/learned, Information lived….
This might take from no time at all, to years of repetitive angst with sprinkles of illuminating clarity, only to fall back into the same old trap…Such is the lesson of “following ones heart”.

How many years of pain, loss, sacrifice, doubt – dark uncertainty, must preceed a just and natural choice?
Why do the warped and misguided parental/societal expectations of an individual rule so many of us with such tight grip?
Why is it so haaaaaaard for soooooooo many to accept that “just being” is enough?!
©2006

TO TALK OR NOT TO TALK…
PERHAPS WRITE? Continuation

To talk, to write and … to talk to one self aloud was suggested yesterday by a friend and affirmed by the monologue I had just concluded at the restaurant table…
I’ll add it as a good and “sound” practice to the above, because as soon as one can hear ones thoughts verbalized aloud they take a totally different dimension. It is like with everything else in the dark, once light is shined on it, it can be seen it for what it is.

Of course, as with speaking what we feel and meaning what we say – speaking out loud -must be a practice to be carried out with discretion and ones “safety” in mind. You all know what I mean...
©2006

TO TALK OR NOT TO TALK …
PERHAPS WRITE?

A good heart to heart to talk is one of the healthiest practices one can have.
As we move around, re-locate to another city, continent - as our nomadic North American socio-economic standard requires us to do at times – we find ourselves alone, friendless and increasingly often isolated “in the crowds”.

In an effort to survive, we focus on our immediate (material) needs and perhaps some basic social practices, leaving out - unintentionally - our deepest (and what “should be”) our most natural/spontaneous need to share from the heart.

Man and women alike need this “deep and freeing” from of expression with a trusted one.
(I guess that’s is where the expression of “spilling ones guts comes from (?)) The hearing out loud of our thoughts and feelings – good or bad – serves as a cleanser a strengthener – a balance or sanity keeping/restoring tool.

The second best thing - highly popular these days, and rightly so is “journaling”.
This may sound somewhat “feminine”, but many a wise man (writers, artist, etc) have already adopted this ever-so-effective method to “come clean”. All that is needed is some time to sit down and simply write about what is (or not) on your mind or heart. Writing whatever comes to mind - without judgment – letting it flow… Giving it more than one try.

There is nothing more satisfying than discovering naturally and quiet spontaneously the deep feelings and ideas we might have been keeping from ourselves.
Yes, it can be a revealing and cathartic experience.
A time to just be true – paper, pen and you!
©2006

SAY WHAT YOU FEEL
MEAN WHAT YOU SAY


It has been "a cultural tradition" to respond on "auto pilot" when we are asked: How are you?
We would most likely respond with a polite Fine, thank you... in the 50's and 70's, up until the early 80's. But I noticed that in the last couple of decades we have advanced to Great! Fabulous!
The richer the term, the most likely to be less accurate in reflecting our true state of "being"...

This, in the long term brings about feelings of loneliness, isolation and abandonment - even if not clearly identified. We have - in general - disengaged from one another, from our community. Hey..., even ourselves!

Next time someone asks How are you?
Let's respond honestly, briefly.
I am wonderful - if that is true - thank you for asking.
I'm not having such a good day - if that is so - thank you for asking...
No need for lengthy and elaborate explanations, "secret divulging". Just share simple, truthful facts.

If the other person cares, or shows further interest, will ask us to elaborate. (Or, they might be shy, self-absorbed, intellectually or emotionally unavailable, simply distracted or uncomfortable with our response - which is NOT our problem, and no - we are not imposing or self-destructing by "revealing" our truth - Or, who knows what else occupies another person's mind and soul ... ?)
Maybe in time (when and if) trust develops, we may open up more, always at our (truthful) comfort level.

When we return (always) the courtesy by asking How are you? Let's mean it!
Let's be prepared to share a few minutes of our time with the other person.

This is a very simple and basic step to take care of ourselves - our needs of expression - and that of others. With repeating this pleasant interaction - slowly creating warm acquaintances and even stronger friendship and family bonds.

©2006 Alicia Ballard

THE FROG - as the butterfly - is a strong and most popular legend and folklore transformation symbol. Living reminders of rain and fertility; frogs provide a vivid representation of transformation and rebirth. Of germination, fecundity, water and abundance. (Last but not least, the lengendary/archetypal transformation form frog into prince!)

GIVE ROOM
FOR LOVE,
HOPE
AND FAITH!

WHAT IS DEPRESSION?

Short, down to earth and common sense explanations - what you need to know.

To pick up where a well known self-help author left off ...

* Depression is the misalignment of the personality and the soul.

* Depression is an (ignored) intuitive signal that manifests when we are going through life circumstances or periods that need attention, need evaluation or re-evaluation.

* First and foremost, a depression is a “rite of passage”.

We all “have the right to our rites of passage”. In this haphazard, whirl wind, 9 to 5 production oriented, consumerism absorbed world we have created - and insist on maintaining - we have all but forgotten our normal, personal “human” needs of evolution.
It is time that instead of abandoning those “in transition”, we honor and respect their right for time to grow and develop.

© 2006 Alicia M. Ballard

WHAT ARE "MOOD DISORDERS"?

* Mood Disorders are the result of a successive accumulation of a series of unattended “depressions” – or, ignored “rites of passage”

By the time one arrives at this point a lot of signals have been either missed or completely ignored –either due to shame or guilt and for the eternal “lack of time”.
These signals more often than not are a call for change… A call to wake up and smell the roses? Get up and move on?

Small wonder that our brain chemistry ends up out of kilter and often in need of medication to bring back it’s balance.

It is also true that with either depression, and later on with mood disorders there is “work to be done”. Medication alone is going to do little or nothing if one’s heart is not focused on healing one’s soul.

Because ultimately, depression and mood disorders are “a deep sorrow of the soul that translated by the brain's chemical imbalance manifests as …” - Our body speaks to us.

Psyche : Life, spirit, soul, self. The vital principle of corporeal matter that is a distinct mental or spiritual entity coextensive with but independent of body or soma: Soul, Self, Personality – élan vital… (Webster’s International)

As with many other situations, if I may ask?
Why do we insist in almost exclusively addressing the symptoms and not the cause?

©2006 Alicia M. Ballard

GREAT COMMUNICATION STYLE/TOOL TO EXPLORE

What is the Nonviolent Communication SM Process?

Learn more aboput the process: http://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/aboutnvc.htm including an outline of the 4-Part Process, Feelings and Needs We All Have, Key Facts About NVC, and the Life-Changing Benefits of NVC.
Explore the 140+ page website of the Centre for Nonviolent Communication which includes a wealth of article, sound bites, and other learning resources as well as opportunities to get involved.

The Dangers of Loneliness By: Hara Estroff Marano

Summary: How friendships help our mental health. Friendship is a lot like food. We need it to survive. What is more, we seem to have a basic drive for it. Psychologists find that human beings have fundamental need for inclusion in group life and for close relationships. Friendship is a lot like food. We need it to survive. What is more, we seem to have a basic drive for it. Psychologists find that human beings have fundamental need for inclusion in group life and for close relationships. We are truly social animals. The upshot is, we function best when this social need is met. It is easier to stay motivated, to meet the varied challenges of life. In fact, evidence has been growing that when our need for social relationships is not met, we fall apart mentally and even physically. There are effects on the brain and on the body. Some effects work subtly, through the exposure of multiple body systems to excess amounts of the hormones of stress. Yet the effects are distinct enough to be measured over time, so that unmet social needs take a serious toll on health, eroding our arteries, creating high blood pressure, and even undermining learning and memory. A lack of close friends and a dearth of broader social contact generally bring the emotional discomfort or distress known as loneliness. It begins with an awareness of a deficiency of relationships. This cognitive awareness plays through our brain with an emotional soundtrack. It makes us sad. We might feel an emptiness. We may be filled with a longing for contact. We feel isolated, distanced from others, deprived. These feelings tear away at our emotional well-being. Despite the negative effects of loneliness, it can hardly be considered abnormal. It is a most normal feeling. Everyone feels lonely sometimes--after a break-up with a friend or lover, when we move to a new place, when we are excluded from some social gathering. Chronic loneliness is something else entirely. It is one of the surest markers in existence for maladjustment. In children, it leads to all kinds of problems. Failure to be socially connected to peers is the real reason behind most school dropouts. It sets in motion a course on which children spin their way to outcast status and develop delinquency and other f orms of antisocial behavior. In adults, loneliness is a major precipitant of depression and alcoholism. And it increasingly appears to be the cause of a range of medical problems, some of which take decades to show up. Psychologist John Cacioppo of the University of Chicago has been tracking the effects of loneliness. Recently he performed a series of novel studies and reported that loneliness works in some surprising ways to compromise health.

• Perhaps most astonishing, in a survey he conducted, doctors themselves confided that they provide better or more complete medical care to patients who have supportive families and are not socially isolated.
• Living alone increases the risk of suicide for young and old alike.
• Lonely individuals report higher levels of perceived stress even when exposed to the same stressors as non-lonely people, and even when they are relaxing.
• The social interaction lonely people do have are not as positive as those of other people, hence they relationships they have do not buffer them from stress as relationships normally do.
• Loneliness raises levels of circulating stress hormones and levels of blood pressure. It undermines regulation of the circulatory system so that the heart muscle works harder and the blood vessels are subject to damage by blood flow turbulence.
• Loneliness destroys the quality and efficiency of sleep, so that it is less restorative, both physically and psychologically. They wake up more at night and spend less time in bed actually sleeping than do the nonlonely.

Loneliness, Cacioppo concludes, sets in motion a variety of "slowly unfolding pathpophysiological processes." The net result is that the lonely experience higher levels of cumulative wear and tear. In other words, we are built for social contact. There are serious -- life-threatening-- consequences when we don't get enough. We can't stay on track mentally. And we are compromised physically.
Social skills are crucial for your health.